A Quandary
by Lucillia
Summary: After an encounter with a warlock, Superman is faced with a tough quandary and an encounter he'd rather never happened.


Kal-El stared. He'd known that Kryptonians were similar to humans in many ways, but he hadn't known they were THAT similar. Sighing, he grabbed a handful of toilet paper and cursed the bastard who'd done this to him. The Justice League's magic users were working on a cure for his condition, but they weren't working fast enough in his opinion. Folding the toilet paper into a long strip, he laid it inside the underwear that Wonder Woman had bought for him and used more toilet paper to tie it in place.

This would have to do until he got to the store, because there was no way in hell he was going to ask Wonder Woman to go out and buy maxi-pads for him.

Fixing his clothes, he flew out the Ladies' room as fast as he could, and didn't stop until he was in the parking lot of a supermarket he didn't frequent as Clark Kent. Trying not to appear the least bit nervous, he made his way towards the aisles that contained hygiene supplies. Once there, he found himself feeling completely lost. Once one figured out what were and weren't for incontinence, one found that there were still so many choices, one didn't know where to begin. Scanning the prices and wondering if the higher prices were a mark of better quality, he found he still had a wide variety to chose from.

Overnight seemed self-explanatory, but what was considered to be considered to be light and what was considered to be heavy? Did he need long, or super-long? Should he get the ones with wings, or without? And then, there were the tampons...

Tampons were supposed to plug the leak, weren't they?

As he stood there trying to make a decision before his stopgap measure sprung a leak of its own, a woman with curly red hair and sunglasses walked up. Deciding to watch what she got, so he could have a basic idea what to get for himself, he stood back to observe. Rather than grabbing a favored product and leaving, the woman stood there looking just as lost as he was.

"What the hell are the wings for?" the woman muttered as she walked up and down the section of the aisle that contained the feminine hygiene products.

Looking more closely at the woman, he noticed that her red hair was a wig. A high-quality wig, but a wig nonetheless. There was something unsettlingly familiar about the woman, something about the jawline, and the neatly plucked and drawn on brows, the shape of the ears, and the shape of her delicately female hands, but a quick glance at her skeletal system revealed her to be female.

"Damn warlock. As soon as I find him, I'm going to kill him." the woman grumbled as she picked up a box of tampons and started reading it.

Deciding that getting out of here before he confirmed his suspicions would be the best idea at the moment because he definitely didn't want Lex Luthor seeing him like this and realizing it was him, he quickly grabbed a random package of pads and a box of tampons and hurried towards the checkout counter. Hearing a set of feminine sneaker-clad footsteps behind him he turned to see that Lex Luthor had apparently followed his example and grabbed one of each as well. Scurrying over to the nearest checkout at a speed that was barely within the range that a normal human was capable of, he set his purchases down.

Unfortunately, the man in front of him was one of the sort who just had to pay for his groceries in pocket change, and Lex Luthor had managed to catch up to him and set his purchases down right next to his.

"Um, nice weather we're having." he said, since he was uncertain as to what you're supposed to say to your archenemy when you're both in the checkout line at a grocery store purchasing feminine hygiene products because a warlock had turned the both of you into women.

Luthor turned to look at him, gave him a blank look for a moment, and then said "Yes, yes it is". Fortunately, they were saved from further conversation by the fact that the idiot with the pocket change was gone and it was now his turn. The actual purchasing of the pads and tampons seemed to take forever, but eventually he was done and on his way out the door.

He'd been making his way towards a discreet spot from which he would take off with his purchases when he'd heard Lex Luthor call out "Superman!". He turned to look behind him, hoping to god Luthor wasn't about to start a fight between them here and now.

"This never happened." Luthor said.

"Agreed." he replied before he flew off.

**Elsewhere, a few minutes later:**

"I'm never going to try using one of _those _again." Superman said as he chucked the tampon into the toilet and flushed it before reaching for the package that contained the pads.

"You didn't just flush a tampon did you?!" a voice yelled from the next stall over.

"Yes." he replied.

"You're not supposed to do that, it'll clog the sewer!" the woman exclaimed.

"No, it..." he started as he used his x-ray vision to follow the recently flushed tampon just in case and watched it catch in one of the smaller pipes and stay there rather than continuing on towards the sewage treatment plant. Other flushed debris soon started catching up against it and stopping as well.

"Well crap, it does clog the sewer."


End file.
